Ramsgate To Get Bayeux Tapestry

17 02 2010

As my picture shows, the local youth have already discovered the new hoarding around the old hoarding on the Royal Sands (aka Pleasurama aka Titanic) eyesore here in the Millionaires’ Playground.

Now comes a circular from Ramsgate Firster and not so teeny-tiny councillor Gerry O’Donnell saying he’s got permission from the site’s (extraordinarily slow) developer SFP Ventures and their contractor Cardy to ‘paint murals’ on it. Gerry witters: ‘I have agreed that Ramsgate Town Council should take some overview leadership to ensure that the artwork is of the highest standard achievable in all circumstances’. Hurrah! Let’s re-animate Van Gogh!

Er, not quite, as Family Guy lookalike G’OD’s missive concludes: ‘There should be an element of continuity to underline that we are a community – think Bayeux Tapestry.’

Oh, right you are Gerry. Bayeux Tapestry eh? Hmmm. I’m thinking. I’m thinking bows, arrows, Norman invasion. I know! Seeing as it’s not unknown for the locals to stand on the cliff top flicking what I believe are called ‘vickies’ at the cliffs of France on a clear summer’s day, how about this?

Update: I’ve now put in a request for funding to set up mypleasuramahoarding.com, along the lines of the famous mydavidcameron.com. To get the ball rolling, leave your suggestions below and I’ll see what I can do!

What’s The Crack?

22 11 2009

Forget 2012! This piece of work from our beloved council looks as if it’ll barely make it to 2010!

I hope our local, crusading biblio-bloke Michael Child doesn’t mind me purloining the photo he took this morning of the, er, ‘newly renovated’ cliff face behind the Ramsgate Royal Sands (Pleasurama in old money) development.

After more than three years of ‘temporary’ Heras fencing, our crumbling East Cliff was tarted up only last year in readiness for the imminent construction of the long awaited, ribbed-rubber-roofed condominium, the plans of which famously show people’s heads embedded in concrete, and no escape routes should the planets align (in accordance with some ancient Mayan myth), causing sea levels to rise 29,000 feet. Work on building the condom itself has just been delayed yet again until 2011, putting the Pleasurama eyesore in its 13th glorious year.

I mean, this new cliff face has only been up there a matter of 18 months, and it’s already cracked to buggery! The flippin’ Mayans (to continue the theme) managed to bung up stuff that’s still there 2,000 years later! As council taxpayers, we forked out around a million sovs for this. Not to mention the millions the Thanet Reich has let the developer drop his bond by. If you ask me, it’s the Cecil Square duffers who have dropped their Bonds and allowed themselves to be shafted right up the crack by whoever carried out this bloody atrocious cliff facelift!

And speaking of pants, yes I did hobble out to Westwood Vue to take in the new Roland Emmerich blockbuster 2012 last night, as you may have already guessed. In fact it was beyond pants, more like utter gusset. But then I thought the same of his other end of the world movies, Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow when I first saw them at the flicks. And d’you know what? Having now watched them both something like 23 times on ITV4, I’m almost coming around to liking them!

Click here for more cliff complaints and photos on Michael’s blog

Pleasurama Drama

17 07 2009

Word reaches me that our beloved duffers held a meeting down at the Royal Sands development (‘Pleasurama’ in old money) yesterday without inviting members of Ramsgate’s new, super-duper, teeny-tiny council. No doubt they will quote ‘confidentiality’ for failing to inform the town’s democratically elected representatives, just like they have with next Wednesday’s freemason-style meeting to sign off the airport’s Daft Bastardplan.

Who said we live in a democracy?

The Writing’s On The Window For Council

16 09 2008

Tooling around the grubby back streets here in the Millionaires’ Playground last night, on my way to an assignation with one of our lovely local authors, I spotted this notice in the window of a derelict shop:

Further along, I happened to glance over the cliff at the Pleasurama aka Royal Sands development:

Pants definitely pulled down, but not much rogering going on!

I Love The Smell Of Jet Fuel In The Morning

29 07 2008

This sign has recently appeared on the site of Ramsgate’s Royal Sands development (Pleasurama in old money). Amongst other things it promises potential buyers ‘the opportunity to wake up in the morning to the sounds of waves lapping on the beach and the smell of the freshest sea air’.

Hmm. More like ‘the opportunity to be woken up in the middle of the night by the roar of knackered old jumbos and the smell of nitrous oxide and aviation fuel’, methinks! And as for ‘waves lapping on the beach’ it could be more like ‘waves lapping through the ground floor of your apartment block’ if the Environment Agency is to be believed!

Speaking of knackered old jumbos, I see there was a veritable flight of the phoenix this afternoon as our old friends MK Airlines made an unwelcome return to the Millionaires’ Playground. If you recall, MK, famous for their Canada and Nigeria crashes, went tits up last month only to be refinanced by a mystery investor so that they could return and blight our lovely Victorian seaside town all over again. Who knows, if car-sized chunks can fly off even Qantas’s lovely, modern 747s, perhaps the occupiers of Royal Sands might one day have the opportunity to gaze out to sea from their own private balcony on a scene not dissimilar to this:

Royal Sands Of Time Running Out?

10 07 2008

Last month I brought you the news that tiny Terence Painter, the Ile’s dapper, diminutive developer and estate agent, had closed his office opposite the Royal Harbour. TP, if you recall, is the lead agent for selling the seven, 12 star hotels and 9 million luxury apartments at the planned Pleasurama Development (aka Royal Sands aka Titanic aka Elsbels Palace Hotel).

Word has now reached the old Eastcliff lugholes that the bankers for the developer, SFP Ventures (UK) Ltd., have withdrawn their funding for the project, no doubt because their credit has been well and truly crunched. If confirmed, this would be a serious blow to the future of Ramsgate’s seafront, which has already suffered a decade of eyesore blight, following the mysterious fire that destroyed Pleasurama in the late 90s. Should the development not be in position to go forward, may I humbly suggest that our friends on Uranus somehow wrest the site back from SFP and flipping well do something useful with it? Heritage theme park, anyone?

Realty Check

3 06 2008

Reader Bull Terrier Gal writes to inform me that tiny Terence Painter, the Ile’s dapper, diminutive developer and estate agent, has closed his office opposite the Royal Harbour. After tooling down there, I can indeed confirm this to be the case:

Despite being a relatively recent Ramsgatonian (eat your heart out Wossie), even I can remember the days when these premises were a dingy drinking dive, before our Terry came along and turned it into a place for millionaires to invest in the Thanet property boom. But with a number of local developments now seemingly at a standstill, can we now assume the boom has turned to bust?

Even more worrying is that TP is i/c flogging the Pleasurama development (aka Royal Sands, aka Titanic), should it ever be built. At a meeting of the Eastcliff Residents Association only last September, he said there was ‘lots of interest’ and that one hotel chain was on the point of signing up for the site. Upping sticks and buggering off doesn’t really do much to confirm that, does it?

The White Cliffs Of Ramsgate

30 05 2008

With the red veil slowly being lifted from our once crumbling, now repaired Eastcliff here in the Cannes of Kent to reveal our answer to Dover’s proverbials, Chief O’Donnell of Ramsgate First writes:

I went down to see the partial unveiling of the cliff face on Ramsgate front yesterday. It looks very white, bright and clean and on a sunny day should give us all snow blindness. Still mustn’t carp. It’s not for the likes of us (ratepayers) anyway – it will mostly be covered up by the new carbuncle that SFP (Whoever) Ltd might, perhaps, build there thanks to the obliging and cynical old ruling junta on TDC.

The railings on the cliff-top look very bright and shiny too. Unfortunately they end abruptly and unevenly exactly at the point above where the new flats that might be built by SFP (Wherever) Ltd will end. Coincidence? Having restored over 750 feet of path, railings and cliff face they should have finished the job and continued to the Augusta steps – another 150 feet at most. And it looks like an unfinished job and that, of course, is par for the gang from the North Side Chapter of Thanet – the Conswervative Cowboys. It will become a monument to their monumental cynicism.

In the meantime what will happen if the housing market continues to fall in value? SFP (Whatever) Ltd could be left with unsold apartments for years. Will they defer the build until house prices rise sufficiently to make this ugly carbuncle viable again? If so can we look forward to another five years of an empty site? Probably. It could only happen in Thanet.

Gerry, as ever, not holding any punches there. I’d have to add that I do trust my council tax won’t be going up when they have to repaint it in a few years’ time for the benefit of the Titanic’s residents. I wonder how long before it’s covered in graffiti?

Silly Cnuts

24 04 2008

Yes, well, er, I have to admit to having felt rather, um, jaded yesterday. But I’m as fresh as the proverbial today, and have been pondering our beloved council’s response to the Environment Agency’s concerns over the Pleasurama development down on Ramsgate’s front.

This week’s edition of the excellent yourfannitinit newspaper (available free in the corner of all your favourite local stores, usually behind the twelve boxes of Haribo etc.) carries a front page splash detailing the EA’s recommendation that a full flood risk assessment of the site should be carried out, as their updated flood maps now show part of it lying in a high-probability flood zone. When the Uranians granted planning permission for the luxury apartments, hotel and retail outlets in 2003, the EA had no such concerns. But as we all know, the tide has been rising inexorably in the five years since then.

Thanet Council’s blockheaded response to this was, according to the paper, to reiterate that all residential units will be on the first floor or above, so ‘There is no need whatsoever to re-visit the planning application.’ Or install lifeboats, for that matter. And presumably, if things do start to get a wee bit damp down there, they can always send their Head of Planning to sit on a deckchair and command the sea to go back!

Click here to read full story in yourfannitinit

All Go(ne) Ramsgate!

5 02 2008

It’s all go (or gone) here on Ramsgate’s trendy East Cliff! Concrete mixers for the repairs to our crumbling cliff face:

Diggers building a magic new roundabout:

Demolition men… oops, sorry, I mean conservation types restoring what’s left of our Marina Cafe:

Careful with that, lads! It’s got to go back exactly how it was now:

Even Gerry O’Ramsgate’s getting around to painting out that objectionable yellow stripe on Ronnie Corbett’s teeny-tiny kiosk:

Job (half) done!


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