Ramsgate To Get Bayeux Tapestry

17 02 2010

As my picture shows, the local youth have already discovered the new hoarding around the old hoarding on the Royal Sands (aka Pleasurama aka Titanic) eyesore here in the Millionaires’ Playground.

Now comes a circular from Ramsgate Firster and not so teeny-tiny councillor Gerry O’Donnell saying he’s got permission from the site’s (extraordinarily slow) developer SFP Ventures and their contractor Cardy to ‘paint murals’ on it. Gerry witters: ‘I have agreed that Ramsgate Town Council should take some overview leadership to ensure that the artwork is of the highest standard achievable in all circumstances’. Hurrah! Let’s re-animate Van Gogh!

Er, not quite, as Family Guy lookalike G’OD’s missive concludes: ‘There should be an element of continuity to underline that we are a community – think Bayeux Tapestry.’

Oh, right you are Gerry. Bayeux Tapestry eh? Hmmm. I’m thinking. I’m thinking bows, arrows, Norman invasion. I know! Seeing as it’s not unknown for the locals to stand on the cliff top flicking what I believe are called ‘vickies’ at the cliffs of France on a clear summer’s day, how about this?

Update: I’ve now put in a request for funding to set up mypleasuramahoarding.com, along the lines of the famous mydavidcameron.com. To get the ball rolling, leave your suggestions below and I’ll see what I can do!





Ask Doctor Fraudstein

20 07 2009

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week our celebrity psychoanalyst, Dr Fraudstein, tackles your personal problems!

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been described as looking like a ‘Mini-Me’ of another, much larger politician. Does this mean I have a smaller or larger ego than the larger politician, and will I some day get to lead the council if I just do what he says? J.

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. You have been described as a ‘Mini-Me’, but how does that make you feel? My fee for this session will be £100.

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been described as ‘Pinocchio’ by another politician. I think this may be because I work with national politicians and sometimes have to tell ‘porky pies’ on their behalf. Would it be wrong to spin this in my favour by implying that my nose isn’t the only thing that gets larger whenever I’m ‘economical with the vérité’? M.

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. You have been described as ‘Pinocchio’, but how does that make you feel? My fee for this session will be £100.

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been chastised by the Standards Committee for my behaviour in a cardigan shop. Wank. This has happened twice now and I’m flippin’ browned off with it. Fuck tosser. Should I resign and retire to my yacht on the Med? S. (PS: Somebody else advised St Johns Wort for the Tourettes but it does not fuck seem to be working wank toss knackers. Axminster.)

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. Please see the nurse on the way out for your haloperidol injection. My fee for this session will be £100.

That’s enough Dr Fraudstein – Ed.